The diamond is the hardest natural substance known. It starts as a small ugly rock buried deep in the earth’s core. It withstands thousands of years of intense pressure and heat, surrounded by darkness. But it emerges as a radiant stone that sparkles and shines. I had spent 30 years of my life in this dark pit, withstanding the pressures of this world, the heat that nearly destroyed me. But these pressures molded me and created me in to the person I am today. I no longer regret my past, nor let the guilt and shame of it overtake my joy. I embrace my past, it is part of who I am but it does not define me.
I can truly say that I forgive my father. Jesus was beaten, had nails drove this hands and feet so that his blood may cover all of our sins. I know that one sin is no greater than the next and Jesus’ blood covers them all. My dad can speak 3 simple words “Please forgive me” and in an instant, God will remember his sins no more; he will move them as far as the east is from the west. It is not up to me know if my dad had done this or not, or even if he is truly sorry; that is between him and God. But I know that I have sinned greatly in my life and his blood washed away my sins; just as it washed away the sins of my dad’s life.
I’ve learned that addiction is a disease. It’s not like cancer where you can see it or take medicine to cure it. No human strength, amount of medicine or psychological therapy can cure this disease. It attacks the mind of its victim, destroying the very core of what that person who they are. It is only by a power greater than one’s self that can relieve this obsession. This is a battle I will continue to fight for the rest of my life and it is not one I can fight in my own strength.
God knew my struggles before I was ever conceived in my mother’s womb. He knew the choices I would make, the broken road I would travel down for so many years. But God never wastes a hurt and no tear is ever shed in vain. These struggles taught me perseverance and compassion and led me right back to the one who created me. Isaiah 61: 1-3 reads;
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
I spent my whole life running from my daddy, trying to convince the world that I had a good daddy. When in all reality, I had the best daddy a little girl could ever dream of… All I had to do was look up.